I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
