I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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