i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
