Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
