make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
