how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
