So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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