It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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