What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
