put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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