So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hippo gnu deer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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