you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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