The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
