I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
