And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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