Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
