you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
