I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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