Apparently you make a good broom.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
