dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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