Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
