So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
