What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
