at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
