I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
