i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want to make out with him forever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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