yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am spending my child support on dildos
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
