Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
