If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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