Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
