Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
