I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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