If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
