someone owes me an orgasm
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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