oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
