escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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