I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
