I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
