my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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