dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
