I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
