My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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