'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
