that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
