I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
