i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
