have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
