guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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