yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cannot find my penis.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
