I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
