Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
