I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize