Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
