you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
