I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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