There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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