i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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