you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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