If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
