When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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