Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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