Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
