Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
