And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
