he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
