tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
