dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
