you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
