Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize