What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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