Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
