I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize