Please, let me fuck your mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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