the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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