soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
