Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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